This is a scene I wrote four or five years ago.<\/p>\n
It is a sketch of how events might have transpired after a very, very angry Merit discovered her father had paid Ethan to make her a vampire. \u00a0Unlike in the books, this scene supposes Ethan accepted the money.<\/p>\n
It was inspired by the song “Counting Bodies Like Sheep” by\u00a0A Perfect Circle.<\/p>\n
* * *<\/p>\n
He lay in the midst of the large, dark-oak bed, one hand curled behind his head, a sheet hitched up to his waist. His abdomen was bare, his chest rising and falling in sleep, a lock of blond hair across his face.<\/p>\n
He slept peacefully.<\/p>\n
I gripped the handle tighter, the leather cording biting into the skin of my palm.<\/p>\n
He shouldn\u2019t look fucking peaceful. He\u2019d lost the goddamned right to look peaceful.<\/p>\n
I reached the side of his bed, lifted my left hand, gripped the sword, and raised it horizontally, inches from his neck.<\/p>\n
And I stood there for seconds.<\/p>\n
Minutes.<\/p>\n
All the while, I weighed the balance of his life, considered the costs and benefits of his death\u2014of the justice of it. All the while, Ethan slept peacefully, eyes gently closed, his body still and heavy with sleep.<\/p>\n
And then, the right corner of his mouth tipped up. Even in sleep, he smiled at me. He smiled that goddamned human smile that never failed to undo me, that forced me to recall that obsidian sliver of humanity that resonated somewhere in the otherwise empty cavern of his heart.<\/p>\n
I closed my eyes, felt hot tears flow, squeezed my hands around my sword.<\/p>\n
No.<\/p>\n
I hated him. I could do this. I nodded. Oh, yes, I could do this. One motion, one cut, one strike, and I\u2019d have my revenge. He\u2019d taken my life, my humanity, everything I\u2019d known.<\/p>\n
Thirty pieces of silver, Merit.<\/em><\/p>\n He deserved this, the goddamned Judas.<\/p>\n And then I opened my eyes, jaw trembling with emotion\u2014with hatred, betrayal, humiliation, mortification\u2014salt drying against my cheeks, and realized I couldn\u2019t do it. I couldn\u2019t kill him. I couldn\u2019t take his life, regardless of how easily he\u2019d taken mine.<\/p>\n I hated him. \u00a0But I couldn\u2019t hate him enough.<\/p>\n So I forced air down my emotion-tight throat, and pulled her back.<\/p>\n With my left hand, I gripped the Cadogan medal around my neck, tugged, and felt it slip into my fingers. Fingers outstretched, I let it fall to the soft, white sheet beside him. And then I pressed my lips against the pommel of the katana, said a silent prayer, and lay it on the bed beside him.<\/p>\n The next evening, he\u2019d awaken. He\u2019d find my sword at his side, the medal torn away, and he\u2019d know that I knew. He\u2019d know I\u2019d discovered his treachery, that I\u2019d had the chance to act, and that I\u2019d spared his life.<\/p>\n And this time, he\u2019d owe me.<\/p>\n Thirty pieces of silver.<\/em><\/p>\n At the threshold of the door, one hand on the frame, I looked back. \u201cI love you,\u201d I soundlessly whispered, then dropped my head, and left the room.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" This is a scene I wrote four or five years ago. It is a sketch of how events might have transpired after a very, very angry Merit discovered her father had paid Ethan to make her a vampire. \u00a0Unlike in the books, this scene supposes Ethan accepted the money. It was inspired by the song[…]<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":771,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"no_sidebars.php","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-1630","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1630","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1630"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1630\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1637,"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/1630\/revisions\/1637"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/771"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.chloeneill.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1630"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}